My Life In Darkness
15. Back Home
We were driving back to Lawrence. It was late afternoon and the sun was getting lower in the sky. I wasn’t completely sure which road we were on. There was little traffic. Occasionally another car went past heading the other way. After we passed through some forest there was farmland with wooden fences lining the road. There were some cows in the distance and then there were rows and rows of corn. Black crows could occasionally be seen circling the fields above. Part of me was glad I was going to be back in my own space, but another part was sad that I was going to be away from Astrid. I hadn’t expected these mixed feelings. We came to a bridge and once over we were already in the outskirts of town.
“You must never mention to anyone that I am a vampire, or infer it. If you do you could find yourself in serious trouble, either with me or some other entity.”
“We’ve already been through this.” I reminded her.
“I know but I need to repeat it. I cannot say it enough times that you should not do this. Do we have an understanding?” She asked.
“Yes of course, but as I said before no one would believe me anyway. They would probably think I was joking or something.”
“Even if you think no one would believe you, you still must not do it.” Astrid insisted.
“Yes I understand. I won’t breathe a word to anyone about it.”
“Good.” She replied. I could feel a wistfulness unexpectedly welling up inside me as we got nearer to my place. We came to a stop outside the house I lived in. “Secondly, do you have a spare key to your apartment?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“Can I have it please?” she asked. I was surprised by her question.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?” I asked. We had only been dating a few days.
“No. I have shared secrets with you. I have fed on your blood and you have my blood in you. In my world you’re mine now, so I wish to have access to you whenever I require it.” I opened my mouth in surprise and shock. I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m yours?” I mouthed out eventually.
“Yes you’re mine.” She stated. “I can enter your house other ways, but a key would be more convenient.” My mind was whirling. I felt incredulous.
“What if I refuse?”
“Then I will make you give it to me. I would rather not do this as it would be preferable if you hand me the key voluntarily. I don’t want this to be an issue.”
“But it is an issue. What you’re implying is that I no longer have control over my own life!” I exclaimed.
“No one really has control over their own life Melissa. You need to understand that. There are layers of authority that control you and all the decisions that you make, you just fail to see that.” She said in a matter of fact voice. “Just be aware that I care about you and me having access to you whenever I need it, is more for your protection and safety. Whatever happens, I will be leaving with it and I would rather not force you to give it to me, but I will not ask you again.” There was a coldness in her voice I hadn’t encountered before.
I audibly sighed and reached into my bag. I took out my keys and threaded the spare key off the key chain. I put the key into Astrid’s waiting hand.
“There.” I said slightly annoyed.
“Thank you.” She replied as she closed her hand around it. I felt my life was slipping away from me, out of my control.
“I’m totally your bitch now.” I stated bitterly.
“I wouldn’t put it that way. Even if it is true.” She said seemingly unconcerned with the tone of my voice.
She opened the car door and got out. I did the same and followed her as she walked towards the house. We climbed the stairs and I unlocked the door to my apartment. A reassuring familiar smell greeted me as I entered. It was nice to be home, so much had happened since I had left here on Friday morning, it felt like a long time. The world was a very different place now. I went to the living room and collapsed onto the couch Astrid followed me.
“I thought I would stay the night here, if that’s alright with you.” She said. I shrugged my shoulders. I felt defeated.
‘Does it matter if it’s alright with me? You’d probably just stay anyway, even if I didn’t want you to.” Astrid stood in front of me and looked into my eyes.
“Don’t be like that. If you don’t want me to be here tonight then I’ll go.” She said softly. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, but you need to see things the way they are.”
“You don’t love me. You just want to control me!” I screamed at her. Tears were starting to fall down my cheeks. Astrid maintained her composure and just stood there and looked at me in her expressionless manner.
I began to sob uncontrollably. The sudden huge amount of pain and hurt that burst through me seemed like an unending river. I wasn’t totally sure what I was sobbing about: my loss of independence, the fact that my girlfriend was a vampire, the death of both my parents, my ex dumping me for no reason, the feeling I was alone in the world. It seemed a growing list. I continued wailing over the hurt and confusion and grief I had felt over the last few years of my life.
“I know you find it hard to believe, but I do love you. All I am doing is trying to keep you safe. I wish you could see that Melissa.” She said calmly.
I buried my face into my hands and fell back against the couch which I then slid down until I was on the floor sobbing my eyes out. She began to hold on to me, though I kept trying to fight her off, but she was too persistent and eventually her arms were locked around me and my head was resting on her chest. My sobbing gradually subsided as she cradled me in her arms and gently rocked me into calm. We were both on the floor entangled together. She moved me back on to the couch and we sat there in each other’s arms. I felt exhausted and drained.
Astrid ordered some pizza and once it arrived I tried to eat some but I wasn’t really hungry. We spent the evening watching Blade Runner together spooning on the couch. I wasn’t sure if Astrid was that interested in it. She kept kissing me on the face and eventually just began nuzzling me on the neck. I wondered if I was about to feel sharp teeth puncturing my skin, but she never went that far. Once the movie finished she gave me another back massage, frequently commenting on how tense my shoulders and neck were. After that I put the leftover pizza in the fridge and got ready for bed, I had work in the morning after all.
I wandered to the bathroom. I felt like I was dazed or walking around in a dream. When I looked in the mirror I was surprised to see how puffy my eyes were and how blotchy my skin was. After I brushed my teeth I shuffled to my bedroom. I stripped off with Astrid watching me in fascination as she sat on my bed. I turned off the light and got under the covers with her.
She sidled up to me in bed and the next thing I knew she was on top of me. She began kissing my breasts and softly biting my nipples then she continued kissing me as she went further down. She spread my legs and her tongue licked me out until I was brought to orgasm. I felt like I was going to explode. I lay there gasping for air. Eventually my breathing calmed down and Astrid came back up. I lay on my side and Astrid had her arms wrapped around me. I felt myself begin to fall into sleep.
“I want to feed on you.” She declared. “Only a small amount. I haven’t fed since this morning.”
“Okay.” I assented, though I felt apprehensive about it.
“I can make you fall asleep so you don’t feel anything.” She offered.
“No I want to know what it feels like.” I insisted.
She began to kiss my neck again. Her mouth moved to almost the back of my neck and as she kissed I could feel her fangs were out brushing against my skin. And then it happened: a sudden severe pain in my neck like two large white hot needles puncturing my skin and then the disconcerting sounds of Astrid slurping and then swallowing my blood. It was more painful than I expected. It was like a continual stabbing pain and I began to squirm. She stopped feeding.
“This won’t take long,” she said “So just try to endure the pain a little while longer. I’m not used to someone squirming as I feed.”
“Alright.” I replied.
She resumed feeding and I did my best to remain still no matter how much it hurt, all the while listening to her swallowing my blood. Eventually she finished and licked the area softly with her tongue. She moved over the other side of me and put her arms around me so we were spooning again.
“Goodnight” she said. I began to feel sleep take me despite the throbbing pain in my neck.
Next episode: Coffee with Tony