Second Conversation With A Vampire (fiction)


Our previous conversation

Second Conversation With A Vampire

One night I awake and there is someone sitting on my bed next to me. I notice my neck is hurting like hell and instantly realise I’m being visited again.

“So it’s you? You’ve come back for more?” I said to the dark figure above me. There was a jolt of surprise from her when I spoke.

“Oops sorry I didn’t mean to wake you!” she replied. I could see her eyes glowing in the dark which I found rather unsettling.

“Well if you’re going to munch on my neck…”

“Usually I don’t wake you.” she explained.

“Usually? How often do you feed on me? No wonder I always have a sore neck and iron deficiency problems.” She seemed unconcerned.

“Whenever I feel like a snack. If you didn’t keep your window open maybe I wouldn’t see it as a open invitation to come in and feed on you.” She told me.

“So it’s my fault huh?” I asked incredulously.

“Well maybe you subconsciously want me to feed on you. I mean an open window is like a come on to us vampires.”

“Unbelievable!” I exclaimed.

“Well that’s the way us vampires see it.” She replied. I just shook my head.

“So my loss of blood and iron deficiency is my own problem then?” I asked her. She just shrugged her shoulders.

“Buy some iron tablets maybe?” she suggested.

“Why don’t you pay for them since you’re drinking my blood?” I asked.

“If you go to a free buffet do you expect to suddenly get charged for it?” She asked nonchalantly while inspecting her sharp nails.

“So you’re not accepting any responsibility for it?”

“Nope. It’s not my problem.” She insisted. I just shook my head again.

“Unbelievable!” I repeated.

“Well at least I’m not sucking you dry.” She offered.

“When I awoke I thought maybe you had come here to kill me. You warned me not to write about vampires anymore, but I still did it and even published the conversation we had on my blog. I really thought you would finish me off after that.”

“Yeah well the Council had a change of mind over it.” She revealed.

“A change of mind?”

“Yeah it was decided that you weren’t really important enough to bother with. It’s not like many people take notice of you.”

“They do too!” I insisted. “One of my articles has been read by over 100 people.”

“Wow a hundred? Gosh!” I noticed the sarcasm in her voice. “Well whoever looks at your posts it’s not enough for us to be worried about. But cheer up! At least your blood tastes really good. I just can’t stop coming back for more!” She told me grinning scarily at me.

“Yay…” I replied.

“I just don’t get you humans. I give you a compliment and you don’t appreciate it.” She shook her head in disappointment.

“That was a compliment? Really?”

“Be thankful I’m talking to you. I could just charm you back to sleep and make you forget everything.” She told me.

“Then why don’t you?” I asked. She shrugged her shoulders again.

“Maybe I like talking to you.”

“You like me?” I asked surprised.

“I wouldn’t go that far!”

“Well since you’re here you could always get under the covers with me.” I offered.

“Ew!” she replied looking aghast.

“Is that a problem?”

“Do you have sex with YOUR food?” she asked.


“Actually don’t answer that. I don’t want to know!” she said quickly cutting me off.

“I thought you vampires were promiscuous.” I told her. She shook her head.

“I think you’ve watched too many bad vampire movies. It’s a bit of a stereotype really. I don’t assume you hate men or drive a Jeep. Honestly, if you want to get off with someone, get a girlfriend, since that’s the way you swing. I’ve seen all the stuff you look at on your phone.” She revealed.

“You’ve been looking through my phone?” I couldn’t believe it.

“Well if you’re going to leave it beside your bed of course I’m going to look through it you dirty girl.”

“So I’m being judged by a vampire who clearly has boundary issues?” I asked her pointedly.

“Well if you have a problem with it maybe keep your window shut next time.” She countered. I sighed.

“Maybe I will.” I threatened.

“Would be a shame really. You taste so good.” She said with a slight tone of disappointment in her voice.

“If you promise not to go through my stuff when I’m sleeping and help me with my iron deficiency problems, I could possibly leave it open occasionally.” I offered. She sat there considering my offer.

“I’ll think about it.” She replied.

“I know you’re not interested in sex, but would you be into cuddling with me?” I asked her. She screwed up her face.

“Is this some ploy to get me in bed with you? I don’t really do cuddling. I don’t like getting too personal with who I feed on.” I rolled my eyes at her words.

“You’ve been drinking blood out of my neck! How could you get more personal than that?”

“It’s not the same.” She insisted.

“I just thought it would be nice if we cuddled. It may help me get back to sleep.” I told her. This time she rolled her eyes.

“You poor lonely thing! Ok we’ll cuddle, just shut up about it and don’t expect me to be there when you wake.” She said as she pulled back the blankets and crawled into the bed beside me.

She put her arms around me and we spooned. Her body felt cold. Slowly I drifted off to sleep feeling her fangs probing the skin on my neck…

Joanne Fisher

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