“Time heals all wounds.” they said. It had been a year since Madeline had broken up with Kelly, yet she was still hurting. How long would it take for her to feel normal again? Sometimes it seemed like she was the only one who felt like this.
Tess walked into the bar. Already the place was busy. She ordered a vodka and tonic and went to her usual spot. She saw that Natalie was already there, waiting for her.
“You took your time.” Natalie said as Tess sat down.
“To another Valentine’s Day.” Tess said holding up her glass. Natalie raised her glass of white wine.
“Totes.” Natalie answered.Tess brought out an envelope from her purse and placed it by her companion.
“I got you a card.” Natalie declared. Tess smiled and opened the envelope. The card was placed upright on the table between them, so they could both see the large red love heart on it.
“You so shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything. I always forget it’s Valentines.” Natalie explained.
“That’s okay. I don’t really expect anything from you.” Tess replied. She focused on the card. Missing you, it said… She looked at her reflection in the window: she sat alone, an empty space where Natalie would have been, if she had survived the car crash.
Cindy stroked the horses head. The farm had now acquired a couple of horses which meant Jess and her could go riding together, like they used to. Cindy was spending time with their newest addition, which helped her keep her mind off things, or so she wished. Two weeks ago, Cindy had awoken in pain and found there was blood everywhere. She was rushed to the hospital, but they only confirmed what she knew: that she had lost her baby.
Jess was being as supportive as she could be, but just now Cindy wanted space with so many thoughts in her head. Jess said they could try IVF again, but Cindy knew she wouldn’t survive if it happened a second time. In one moment her dreams of being a mother were cruelly denied.
“We’ll go riding soon girl. You want that?” she whispered to the horse. The tears were falling again.
Word count: 150
This was difficult to write, but I guessed that this was how it was going to go….
the first time
you meet her
in the orbit
of a brilliant new sun
she is stuck in your thoughts
you hope you're in hers
every time you meet
you seem full of electricity,
always wanting to be there
reflecting her radiance...
then one day
she is gone &
you are lost
in the sub-light hours
waking from strange dreams
you imagine she is there
her arms wrapped around -
a layer to protect you from the world
but she is not there
she will never be there
her eyes now cold & distant
as a starless void
wishing she would text, call,
your happiness falls
you will survive this, barely
you will cry, you will fall apart
& yet she will always be there
you wake up alone
hoping you can let her go.
There was a gap of a few years when I mostly stopped writing. This poem is the one of the few I wrote during this period. I repost it now as I recently walked past the woman who I wrote it about and it was enough to bring back all those feelings. It took me the entirety of last weekend to get over it. If I had thought I was over her, I was very much mistaken.
I originally published this poem on this blog in June, 2018.
Ginny stood on the river bank and watched the water running swiftly past. Breathing in the cool air she listened to the sounds of the river and the birds singing in the trees above. She was alone and feeling like her insides had been all mushed up. Today she had broken up with her partner, and now she felt sad, confused, and in a lot of pain.
She knew she would get over it, even though it didn’t seem like it at this time. Right now she needed to be alone and work though the hurt. Ginny dropped the feather she found into the river and watched it float away from her. The feather would move on to places she had never seen, and so would she.
I had just come back from the funeral of my girlfriend. We had been in a car crash. I survived, she didn’t.
“How do I go on without her?” I cried out to my father who had come back with me so I wasn’t alone.
“With sisu.” My father replied.
“Sisu?” I didn’t understand.
“It’s a Finnish word for having determination, or possessing inner strength. I know you are strong Kathleen. It may not seem like it now, but I know you will get through this, like I did with your mother.” he told me.
It’s my birthday today (well yesterday now since it’s past midnight where I live). It was rather a disappointing day. On Saturday night I had a party and about ten people showed up. It’s the first party I’ve organised in a long time. It was good to see everyone who turned up and I ended up with two bottles of vodka, a bottle of sauvignon blanc (my favourite), and some chocolate. Which is quite a good haul for me. Usually I don’t end up with much in a way of gifts, either on my birthday or at Christmas. So it was a good night, though I was disappointed that none of my flatmates bothered attending (the ones that were here).
Two days later it is my birthday. There were no gifts or cards for me, which wasn’t much of a surprise really, but what bothered me was the flatmates I saw didn’t really say anything to me. How hard is it to say “Happy Birthday” to someone? I was always do when it’s their birthdays, but it doesn’t get reciprocated which saddens me. As I had no money I couldn’t go out for lunch or even go out and buy a coffee somewhere. So in the end I made a cup of tea and some noodles and then hid in my bed for the rest of the day feeling down. Sometimes birthdays are difficult huh?
The way my day was going I imagine if I had got a birthday cake it would have looked something like the picture above…
Sorry for the rant I just needed to vent it. Normal service will resume.
This poem was something I had to write to help get it out of my system. I haven’t really been in the mood to continue writing the story I’m working on or various articles I have planned, hence all the poetry at the moment. They’re all there worked out in my head, but at the moment I’m just chilling doing other things. I recently gave up smoking as I could no longer afford it and it was cutting into my food budget which meant I was going hungry a lot of the time and I think this is affecting my ability to sit down and write for long periods. Once all the nicotine cravings are gone I’m sure I’ll be writing long screeds of text again… 🙂