They Were Zombies (flash fiction)

They Were Zombies

“So why have I been arrested?”

“You went on quite a killing spree last night, didn’t you?”

“Yes of course.”

“You admit it?”

“Of course I do.”

“We have photographs here of all the people you slaughtered. It may have been well over a hundred. We haven’t recovered all of the bodies yet.”

“They all had to die.”

“Why?”

“They were zombies.”

“Zombies?”

“Yes zombies. If I hadn’t acted quickly and killed them all, the infection would have spread far by now.”

“Can anyone corroborate this story of yours?”

“Well in the beginning there were a few others helping me, but they all got bitten eventually and I had to kill them too. So I guess not.”

“I see…”

Joanne Fisher

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Buying a Boat (flash fiction)

Buying a Boat

“So what do you think?”

“What do I think?”

“You said you wanted to buy a boat.”

“Are all these boats for sale?”

“You want to buy them all?”

“No. I meant, I can choose from any one of these?”

“Sure.”

“How much are they?”

“Whatever you’re willing to pay.”

“What do you mean by that? Are these boats actually yours to sell?”

“Sure they are. You don’t think I would try to sell you boats I don’t own?”

“Well… that thought has crossed my mind.”

“It’s so sad these days that no one trusts anyone, even when you’re a humble boat-seller.”

“Okay. Fine. Can I take one out in the water?”

“Sure.”

“Do you have the keys?”

“Er, do you know how to hot wire an engine?”

“Do you have any actual proof that these boats are yours to sell?”

“If I said no, would you still buy one?”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 150

This was written with the photo prompt provided by Crimson’s Creative Challenge #199.

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Floppy As (flash fiction)

Floppy As

“What do you think?”

“It does seem rather floppy.”

“Yes.”

“The question is how floppy is it? To me it seems to be as floppy as puppy ears.”

“Puppy ears?”

“Yes puppy ears is my standard for measuring floppiness. Is something as floppy as puppy ears or even floppier? That is, if such a thing is possible. That’s my Puppy Ears Floppiness Index. For there is no other way to measure the state of floppiness.”

“You must like puppies.”

“Well I love puppy ears and how floppy they are.”

“So what about this floppiness problem?”

“I think it’s perfect.”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 99

This was written with the prompt floppy as puppy ears provided by the Carrot Ranch August 15 Story Challenge.

When in doubt go weird is my motto…

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Remote (flash fiction)

Remote

“When you said we should go on holiday, I didn’t think you meant a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere.”

“It’ll be great. There’s no WiFi, so we can talk and do things together without it distracting us.”

“What can we do?”

“We can fish,, go for walks, cook meals together. We’ll be on our own with no one else around for miles.”

“I’ve seen several horror films starting with this premise.”

“You and your horror films. I think it would be good for us to get to know each other more intimately.”

“When can I go home?”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 99

This was written with the prompt remote provided by the Carrot Ranch August 1 Story Challenge.

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Picturesque (microfiction)

Picturesque

“You’ve really outdone yourself. This locale is wonderfully picturesque.”

“Why thanks. I aim to please.”

“We’ll find somewhere to stash the loot, and then stay in one of the lower-end hotels until it all blows over.”

“I agree, though if we end up sharing the same room again, could we have separate beds this time?”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 54 + prompt

This was written with the prompt picturesque provided by Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #264.

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

The Secret Ingredient (micro fiction)

The Secret Ingredient

“These cupcakes are delicious! I’ve eaten six already!”

“Help yourself.”

“I will! They’re wonderfully citrus flavoured. What’s your secret you saucy minx?”

“I use lemon zest, and there’s also a surprisingly large amount of arsenic in them, but that’s tasteless. Enjoy!”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 41

This was written with the prompt zest provided by Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #262.

This was inspired by Greg’s Blog’s Tea Time Secrets (though mine’s nastier).

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Provocative? (flash fiction)

Provocative?

“Why are you so provocative?”

“Provocative?”

“You know, lesbionic.”

“Lesbionic?”

“You just going to repeat everything?”

“Yeah, until you make some sense. What’s your beef?”

“Do you always have to act so queer?”

“I’m not altering my behaviour to make you feel better. I’ve fought to be who I am, and I’m not changing that for anyone.”

“I wish I had your confidence.”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 62 + prompt

This was written with the prompt provocative provided by Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #256.

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Yodel, not Yoda (flash fiction)

Yodel, not Yoda

“What was that weird sound?”

“Sorry, I was trying to yodel.”

“I thought you were having a fit. Yodel? Isn’t that a character from Star Wars?”

“You’re thinking of Yoda, the Jedi Master who taught Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back. He was also in Return of the Jedi, and the prequel trilogy.”

“Geek.”

“You did ask.”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 57 + prompt

This was written with the prompt yodel provided by Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #254.

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

A Real Pirate? (flash fiction)

A Real Pirate?

“When I was told we were being attacked by pirates, this wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“Don’t I look like a pirate?”

“Well with the eye-patch and the parrot on your shoulder yes you do, it’s just that pirates today generally use small fast boats instead of sailing ships, and are armed with Kalashnikovs rather than cutlasses.”

“They don’t understand the romance of being a pirate.”

“Ah yes, the romance of robbing people at sea.”

“Shiver me timbers, are you being sarcastic? If you’re not careful you’ll walk the plank!”

“Oh really?”

“Mark my words you landlubber, you’ll end up in Davy Jones’ Locker yet. I mean it!”

“Ooh I’m so scared.”

“Is that sarcasm again?”

Joanne Fisher

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher

Uses of a Time Machine 4 (flash fiction)

Uses of a Time Machine 4

“Hey I’ve got a great idea for the time machine you’ve just built. We could go back in time and see the dinosaurs!”

“We’ve already done that. Several times in fact.”

“Huh?”

“Every time we go back and see the dinosaurs, you get stepped on by a brontosaurus, and I have to come back to this point.”

“Don’t you mean a diplodocus?”

“No, I mean a brontosaurus.”

“Surely it can’t happen every time. Let’s try it again!”

“Okay. If you insist…”

“Are we there yet?”

“Yes. Just go out the doors and you’ll see the dinosaurs.”

“Sweet! Oh look a brontosaurus! Aarrgghh!”

“*sighs* Okay, back to the reset point again.”

“Hey I’ve got a great idea for the time machine you’ve just built. We could go back in time and see the dinosaurs!”

“I seem to be stuck in a loop.”

Joanne Fisher

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©️2022 Joanne Fisher