Happy Star Wars Day 2021!

I’ve been trying to think of something to write all day, but not had much luck. I was thinking of writing a story about an abandoned protocol droid, but all I had was the situation/idea but no story, so…

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU! HAPPY STAR WARS DAY 2021 😊

Anyway here are some pictures and memes in lieu of a story.

Have a great day everyone! 😊

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Evidence (flash fiction)

Evidence

The two figures looked at the steps before them. Their shuttle had landed over a kilometre away and they were doing a reconnaissance of the area.

“This proves there must be some form of intelligent life on this planet, no matter how primitive.” Said one of them.

“Maybe, but it can be surprising what structures can be made by nature alone.” Said the other.

“You think this was made purely by chance?”

“Well it could have resulted from animal movements over the long years.”

“And what set the paving stones into the hill? A freak burst of wind? Birds dropping them from the sky? A small glacier?”

“Now you’re getting sarcastic.” The other warned. “But you do have a point, though it would be advantageous if we could find some more concrete examples.”

“Unbelievable!” They shook their head.

As the two figures argued, many eyes regarded them from the bushes.

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 150

This was written with the photo prompt provided by Crimson’s Creative Challenge #128.

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©️2021 Joanne Fisher

Uncanny (flash fiction)

Uncanny

“It’s uncanny.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean there is no way you could put this in a can.”

“That’s not what uncanny means.”

“Oh. Are you sure?”

“Uncanny is something mysterious or strange.”

“I think my definition is better.”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 39 + prompt

This was written with the prompt uncanny provided by Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #205.

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©️2021 Joanne Fisher

Contraband, part three (fiction)

Contraband

Part Three

Brynla landed in docking bay 127. To her disappointment she found Asran wasn’t waiting there for her.

“Stay here and guard the ship.” Brynla told Ennik. As she walked off the ship, E-5JF followed behind her.

“Will you be needing me mistress Brynla?” the droid asked. Brynla turned to face her.

“No stay here and help Ennik.” she ordered.

“But you might need my assistance mistress.”

“I’m sure I won’t.” Brynla responded as she turned around and kept walking. When she came out of the docking bay she looked around. “Hey kid, do you know Asran?” she asked a passerby.

“Yes. He owns the cantina over the road.” the kid said pointing in the direction.

“Thanks.” She replied. She walked over the road and into the first cantina she found. The place was moderately packed. Everyone looked at her when she entered. She strode to the bar and approached the bartender. “I’m looking for Asran.”

“He’s over there.” he said pointing to a booth. As she approached it, she saw Asran was a race she had never seen before. His skin was a greenish-grey colour and while is head and abdomen were on the seat, the rest of him appeared to be made up of slimy tentacles that writhed around. She shuddered as she approached him. He looked at her excitedly as she got nearer.

“Ooh who might you be?” he asked.

“I’m Brynla. I have your shipment of food.”

“I never realised you were going to be a human female, and such a pretty one too.” Brynla rolled her eyes at his words. She sat down at the booth as far away as she could get from him. “Olooch, a drink for the lady!” he called out to the bartender.

“It’s been a long time I’ve been called a lady.” Brynla remarked.

“Can’t see why. You rebel chicks are so hot!’ As he said this Brynla could feel a slimy tentacle slowly wrap around her right leg. She kicked it away.

“Stop that! Anyway I’m not part of the rebellion, I just do jobs for them sometimes.” Brynla informed him.

“Really? I’m sure a crimelord, or even the Empire itself, would pay you far more for your services than the Rebellion can.” The bartender came over to them and gave Brynla a glass full some bright blue liquid.

“What’s that? I would have preferred a Corillian ale.”

“Try it. I’m sure you’ll love it!” Asran urged her. Brynla took a swig. It was sickly sweet.

“Not really to my taste.” she informed him. “Anyway, why has the Empire restricted access to this planet?”

“We don’t really know. There are many rumours. The most popular one is that the Empire is testing some new sort of weapon.”

“What on the inhabitants?” Brynla asked horrified. Asran shrugged.

“Or perhaps just certain areas of Karagen. Maybe not on the populace. Who knows?” He deftly flicked some of his tentacles in a way that suggested to Brynla he didn’t really care about it.

“Well anyway, my ship’s hold is full of foodstuffs. I need your employees to come and collect it.”

“All in good time my sweet. My place is upstairs. We can always go there and… negotiate.” As soon as he said this, several tentacles began to writhe up Brynla’s legs. Brynla pulled out her blaster and stuck it into one of his tentacles. Asran looked shocked.

“If you don’t keep your slimy tentacles to yourself, I will remove them all with my blaster, starting with this one.” she told him. Immediately all his tentacles quickly left her vicinity.

“I’m just trying to have a bit of fun.” He complained.

“Get your fun somewhere else. I’m just here for business. Tell your employees, or henchmen, or whatever, to come and pick up the foodstuffs on my ship, otherwise I’ll just dump them in the docking bay and leave them there to rot. You’ll find my ship in Docking Bay 127.” Brynla stood up and put her blaster away. She strode out of the cantina with everyone’s eyes still on her.

Once she was outside, she saw there were slime trails all over her legs. She shook her head as she walked back to her ship. She felt like she needed to be decontaminated, and might just have to burn her clothes for good measure. And this was meant to be the easy part…

to be continued…

Joanne Fisher

Previous episodes” Part One | Part Two

There’s probably only one more part remaining. This story is a lot longer than I originally planned…

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©️2021 Joanne Fisher

The Chosen One (flash fiction)

The Chosen One

There was a loud knock on the door. Clarice answered it to find a tall man with a long beard standing on her porch.

“Clarice Evans, would you like to join me on an adventure?” the Wizard asked.

“Ooh that sounds lovely dear! I’ll just go and get my coat.” Clarice replied. The Wizard waited patiently.

Clarice Evans may have been seventy four with a gammy leg, hard of hearing, and owned a preponderance of cats, but little did she know it was her destiny to defeat evil and usher in a new golden age of peace and enlightenment.

Joanne Fisher

This was written with the prompt of rethinking the hero provided by the Carrot Ranch April 8 Flash Fiction Challenge.

Please donate! 🙂

©️2021 Joanne Fisher

Notes from My Journey to Transylvania (fiction)

Notes from My Journey to Transylvania

I traveled through Transylvania by carriage. At one point we stopped at an inn. When I told them it was my plan to continue on that night to Count Dracula’s castle, the innkeeper did his very best to make me stay until morning. Honestly the things hoteliers do to get you to stay overnight so they can charge you for a room. Being wise to his game, I insisted on continuing my journey that evening. Also, whenever I mentioned Count Dracula’s name everyone looked at me horrified, but then again I also harbour a dislike towards the aristocracy.

*

When we got to Borgo Pass where Dracula’s own carriage was waiting for me, the driver on my carriage barely stopped. He just threw my luggage onto the ground and I had to get off while the carriage was literally still moving. The things these drivers have to do to stick to their obviously strict timetables.

When I got into Dracula’s own carriage, the driver never even spoke a word to me and then drove at a furious pace down some rather substandard road that climbed upwards to Dracula’s castle. I mean, we were driving by some rather nasty precipices, and I definitely would have recommended that he slow down a bit if I hadn’t been so momentarily terrified by his driving skills, or lack of. They are so crying out for some decent customer service training in these parts.

*

When I finally met the Count my worst fears were realised:  he was an eccentric old weirdo. The poor dear was so out of it he said: “the children of the night, what beautiful music they make” while a group of mangy wolves were howling outside. God knows what he thought he was actually listening to.

When I handed him the title deeds to his new properties I noticed his fingernails were in the need of a decent trim, and after accidentally cutting myself, he made such a fuss about it I also strongly suspected he was a massive germaphobe. To make matters worse when he poured me some wine he made it pretty clear he didn’t drink. Just my luck to be stuck here with some pious teetotaller.

*

There seems to be three women living here as well. I’m not sure if they’re staff, or his daughters, or some more distant relations, but I may have slept with them. All three of them at the same time. You see I nodded off in the library one night and then had the most insane sex dream regarding them, but then woke up in my bed the next day. Not really sure what happened there, and nobody is saying anything. I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen. I hope Dracula isn’t upset with me over this. Must try to find out if they’re actually related to him.

*

One night I looked out my window and then noticed Dracula was crawling down the side of the castle. Good grief man, what’s wrong with the stairs?

*

I just realised it’s been a long time since I was outside. In fact since I began my stay here I haven’t been outside at all. It’s a good thing I’m so introverted. Back home I could quite happily stay in my own home for months without leaving if I could get away with it. I did try to go outside once, but I couldn’t seem to find any way out in this castle. All the passages and corridors look the same anyway. Dracula was rather remiss to not provide me a map of the place.

*

It’s occurred to me it’s been some time since I last saw Count Dracula. In fact I strongly suspect he left a long time ago to live in his new home. Frankly I’m surprised he didn’t tell me he was leaving. We could have traveled together. It might even have saved him some money on traveling costs. Maybe I should have let him know about that?

*

Okay I’m definitely sleeping with the three women here. I just wish they weren’t so into biting. I’ve never found that a turn on at all. I keep waking up with bite marks all over me. How am I going to explain them to my fiancée when I get home?

As soon as I find a way out of this castle I’ll head back home. I really hope Count Dracula is settling in and adjusting to his new surroundings. Hopefully they’re not finding him too weird over there…

Joanne Fisher

After watching the 1931 version of Dracula, I thought it would be fun to rewrite the beginning of Dracula from the perspective of a clueless narrator.

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©️2021 Joanne Fisher

The Victory (flash fiction)

The Victory

Meredith suddenly realised a year had passed since the zombie apocalypse. It had been close, but they had prevailed in the end and now things had finally settled down.

So many were missing, she thought as she went into the town centre. She had a busy day today of wandering mindlessly through town with all the others. She might be a zombie now, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t put in a full day of shambling. She mused it was such a shame they couldn’t get fresh human meat anymore, they all had to make do with livestock now.

Joanne Fisher

This was written with the prompt to write a story that takes place a year later provided by the Carrot Ranch March 18 Flash Fiction Challenge.

PSA: Please don’t mistake my penchant for absurdist humour for social commentary. Please ensure you all get fully vaccinated for coronavirus. It’s the best way we can defeat the current pandemic.

Please donate! 🙂

©️2021 Joanne Fisher

The Chair (flash fiction)

The Chair

“There it is!”

“That’s the chair you were talking about?”

“Yup. What do you think?”

“This is the chair you want to take home?”

“Yes!”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why do you want us to have this chair?”

“Because it’s a chair. I’m sure we could use it.”

“What for exactly?”

“Er, sitting on?”

“You want to sit on that chair?”

“Sure.”

“It’s covered in moss. Or have you failed to notice that?”

“I know it’s covered in moss, but we could remove it somehow.”

“Somehow? Like how exactly?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Big surprise there.”

“I just thought it looked like a good chair and we should take it since no one else seems to want it.”

“Yes you’re right there. I’m pretty sure no one else wants it.”

“We could reupholster it.”

“And you know how to do that?”

“Why are you so negative all the time?”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 150

This was written with the photo prompt provided by Crimson’s Creative Challenge #120.

Please donate! 🙂

©️2021 Joanne Fisher

Just in Time! (flash fiction)

Just in Time!

Jeremy’s car had broken down, so he walked to the creepy castle in the middle of a thunder storm for assistance. When he knocked on the door, it was answered by a creepy-looking old man who led him straight to his Master. While Jeremy explained to the Master about his car, everything suddenly went black and he collapsed onto the floor.

“That was fortunate. Talk about right place, right time!” the Master said as he looked down on his creation, now with Jeremy’s stretched face added. “Now Igor, let’s hook this up to the grid, and see what happens!”

Joanne Fisher

This was written with the prompt right place right time provided by the Carrot Ranch February 18 Flash Fiction Challenge.

Please donate! 🙂

©️2021 Joanne Fisher

On the Way to the Terminal (flash fiction)

On the Way to the Terminal

“See I told you we were going the right way.”

“How far is 500 yards? Why aren’t they using metres?”

“It’s about 450 metres I think. I don’t know, maybe it’s an old sign. Anyway we’ve got to hurry. We would have had more time if you hadn’t spent so long talking to your friends.”

“They’re your friends too.”

“I don’t feel like I’m part of your little clique at times. They always ignore me, even if I say something.”

‘You’ve got a quiet voice, maybe they don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Maybe.”

“They like you, they’re just not into vampire movies. It’s all you seem to talk about at times, you little freak.”

“It’s an interest. I thought they might want to watch something different for a change.”

“Anyway, what’s this terminal lead to?’

“What do you mean?”

“Are we catching a bus, boat, or plane?”

“You don’t know?”

“No idea.”

Joanne Fisher

Word count: 150

This was written with the photo prompt provided by Crimson’s Creative Challenge #117.

Please donate! 🙂

©️2021 Joanne Fisher